last night...

i received a really really bad news last night. all the way from taiwan. i was practically trembling over phone when i was being told about the bad news. i didnt know how to react. it shocked me. well i guess it shocked everyone who knows her.

from this incident, it got me thinking..i guess people always say that those people who committed suicides for love or stress or just for hard times are stupid and they are all idiots..and they shouldnt have done that n all... but have we ever put ourselves in their shoes? well even if we have, we wouldnt really know how exactly they feel right. coz bad things are not happening to us. people always say - "i know how you feel". but do we really know? do we? we only know that they feel upset n all. but deep down, only that person himself/herself will know how he/she feels.

though i myself had been thru one of those hard times and had stupid thought before, i dont think im in a position to say that shes stupid. coz like i said, i wouldnt really know her true feelings. although we faced more or less the same situation, i still wouldnt say - i know how she feels. but now, i cant even get the chance to talk to her.

i guess people around her would have said that shes an idiot. but maybe for her, thats the best way to deal with her situation. or maybe she just didnt know or didnt wanna deal it in any other way but this. anyhow, i guess sometimes people just need to stop saying that this group of people are stupid n all. we dont get to judge. we dont get to judge them just because they tried to kill themselves outta love. coz maybe we wont know how much he/she loves that one person. love is really blind sometimes. and we cant say that its a very bad thing. coz at least it makes you realize how deep the love is.


on another note, i was crying last night after the call. and i didnt know how the hell my hp accidentally called him. something must have gone wrong with my phone. then he called back. i didnt answer the first time coz i didnt want him to know i was crying. i didnt expect at all that he'd call the second time. so i picked up. and he noticed something was wrong with my voice. but i said nothing. deep down, i wanted talk to him so bad when i answered the call. but once i think of my position, i said nothing. who am i to talk to him about my feelings. im not in that position. i used to have him to talk to and his shoulder to cry on. but this is not the situation anymore.