your words couldn't set me free...

Grandma must go on an operation tomorrow, doc said. Yes. Tomorrow! It is that urgent! But grandma didn't want to undergo another operation. She's tired. Really tired, she said. It hurts me so so much seeing her like that. Tears just came out when i was showering. And i thought to myself. Why is this happening? Yes, i said something i told her the truth. If it was meant to be a punishment, punish me then! Stop making my grandma to go thru all these. I don't mind suffering. I don't mind going thru all the hardships. Shits happen to me anyways. So no difference. I just want people around me family friends to be happy and healthy.

A letter, i wrote. And put it under her pillow when she was asleep.

To the love of my life,

Yes. You are unquestionably one of the loves of my life. You are undeniably one of the most precious people in my whole life. I was born to love you. And i really do love you. A lot. I would do anything for you. I really mean anything. 

I know i hurt you badly. But as much as i hope that i could undo the things i did. I actually wouldn't. Because all i wanted was to tell you the truth. I didn't want to hide anything from you. But the words you said to me, they couldn't set me free. Now i'm stuck here in this life i didn't ask for. Your last words keep playing in my head. And they really hurt, you know.  

I'm sick. I'm tired too. In fact, i'm exhausted. Everyday i have to put up a smile to work to everywhere i go and pretend that everything is fine when i'm actually devastated deep down. I've been thru feeling betrayed by someone i dearly love. I know how it feels. I'm sorry i hurt you. But like i said, i wouldn't undo the things i said. Honesty, the third lesson you taught me when i was still a lil kid, remember?

I wanted to start fresh. I must move on. I know. I promised myself from the beginning of this year, the old Joey must come back! The old-and-better Joey. I am back! At least i think so. You know, it wasn't easy at all before i decided to come clean. Honesty was seriously the hardest thing for me at that point of time. But i did what i had to. And i'm really sorry.

So please forgive me. I miss you. I really need you to be with me. I couldn't and wouldn't even imagine my life without you. Most importantly, please be healthy and stay strong. You being sick is the last thing i want k. So please stay healthy always. Whether or not you'd forgive me. I will always love you. 

Love, 
Joey.

She will be fine. I'll pray hard. 

eenie meenie minie mo.... urgh!!!!!

i can't decide!!!!! how how????!!!

Blackberry Bold 2 White

OR

Apple iPhone 4

?????

previously

just some photos from the other day...

can't-wait-to-go-out-with-dad look..

garden salad, loved the salad dressing..

some thai steamed seabass

dad wanted a nice shot for his fb profile pic...so vain! lol..

he may not be the world's most handsome dad.. but he's the world's greatest dad to me..

i love you max, dad! =)

seriously delicious cheeseburger

YM

very nice pappardelle with ceps (we licked the plate clean! haha!)

button-mushrooms and tiramitsu

ME

it was all good.. until...

i took sick leave today as i was having stomach upset. it was all kfc's fault! anyways i was over the top when daddy called this morning. we were going out for brunch and do a little shopping. (shopping! he said shopping! how cool is that!) and so i just kissed my stomach upset goodbye. retail therapy babeh! oh yeah! i like! 

so off i went to shower. didn't even have time to put on any skincare product. coz dad was downstairs waiting. not that he'd mind waiting for his beloved daughter. it was me! i cant wait to go makan and shopping u see. haha! so i just roughly dried my hair and slipped on a pair of jeans and topped with a polo-T. then off i go. once i got into the car. i hugged my dearest daddy real tight.

dad: i........i.........i cant breathe darling...

me: oh...oops.. sorry.. ppl miss u ma..

dad: yah i know... i miss u too.. but i know the real reason behind this real-tight-hug.. coz i just said shopping over the phone!

me: -damn-


anyways, we went to delicious for lunch. it was a pretty heavy one. dad has always been a small eater. but he made me ate soooo much today. god i really should stop eating like a cow and starting puasa-ing. haha. it was quite a long lunch. we talked alot and laughed alot like nobody's business. or should i say we crapped alot. haha! well i guess dad knows that im stressed up lately. so we didn't touch on any serious topic. except that he asked me if my youngest bro is dating at the moment. (well its not actually a serious topic. so yah. and i wonder since when dad starts to busybody bout this. it has gotta be my bro's phone bill i guess. haha!) good luck dad! *fingers crossed*


then the real thing kicked in! (and stupid me i forgot to pull off my puppy-eyes-look!)
dad: u know... though i said shopping... yah u can today.. but only on necessities u see.. u need to control ur spending.. stop buying things u dun need... (and i thought we'd not touch on serious stuff hah!)

me: i need a bag daddy...

dad: like i said my dear.... necessities... things u really really need...

me: yah.. i know the meaning of necessities dad... thats what i said... i NEED a bag...

dad: *rolled-eyes & saying my-gawd* u dun NEED a bag darling... u just want it... and u have so many bags already..

me: fine... i'll just work my ass off and save up and buy on my own then.. so go back and tell mom i wont be able to buy house by this year k.. (im surprised that i didn't use my puppy-eyes-look!)

dad: *palms slapped on his own forehead* i sent u to school and u dun understand the definition of necessity.. btw fyi im not forcing u to buy a house.. it was never my intention.. u know very well its mom's tactic to make u stay.. so u have gotta tell mom on ur own.. (evil-smile)

me: u...u.... u ditched me! u ditched me dad!! i cant believe it!! (after a minute of pausing) fine.. necessity it is then.. i lost my e-dictionary.. so i want an e-dict..

dad: u want or u need??..alright alright.. since it sounds educational.. e-dict it is then.. lets go buy now..

me: but bag sounds educational too dad... i can teach my kids to pronouce Chanel, Hermes, LV, YSL...etc... bla bla bla... alright.. i shall stop before u strangle me.. thanks for the e-dict dad! =)


so i guess today was HIS shopping day. not mine. i was just there to give opinions/advices here and there when he tried on many many clothes. now u know where i got the gene from. i meant the shopping habit. haha! anyways dad always goes to me when it comes to clothes and shoes and all. mom too. apparently i have good tastes. haha! (good to know)

well at least im not empty handed today. got an e-dict which cost dad RM1500. im more than happy with that one thing. see...its not THAT hard to make me happy. haha! really...seriously...its NOT hard at all. =)


-------

dad went for a dinner appointment. and i had my dinner with ym @ alexis gardens. i was soooo happy to see her. we were chatting and laughing all the way to alexis. then guess what?! k and w were dining there too! what a small world. its a wednesday somemore. who would expect this. rare. it was my first time seeing them together. they look great. happy for them. initially i wanted to go over to say hi. but they were with friends. so i didn't in the end.

i was rather disappointed that she never say hi or bye. even ym could see that im a little upset about it. she felt weird too that w just walked off like that. and i thought what did i do wrong? i still very much treat her like a good friend. but ym emphasized that i didn't do anything wrong. my other closed friends said the same thing to me before too. they always screw me for putting all the blames on myself.

maybe i should just get over it. yah i should. coz all i ever wanted is for him to be happy. them. and since they are now, i should be more than grateful. im really glad that w made k a happier person. =)


--------

basically im very very very happy today. had a great day hanging out with dad. father-and-daughter-day-out! what more could i ask for. =) and also nice catching up with ym. she's such a sweetie pie. xoxo.
i just realized this is such a long post. who would wanna read this huh. haha! its been a while since i last blogged a long post. my god! im amazed now. haha!


till then. sleep tight and good nite everyone. CHEERS!

//..it was only just a dream..//

.as much as i miss you...

after looking at the few photos he uploaded..

i feel happy for him.

am really glad that he's living happily..

with all the great things..

and most importantly with all his loved ones around.

when i look at you...

.....i really miss you..

when i look at you.. i see us..

right there where we belong...

the forgotten

Now that I remember,

I have a blog! haha! 

~CHEERS!~